There once was a vampire from Glamis
Who never meant to do harm
But just once a night
He needed a bite
A sanguineous shot in the arm
He was casual in dress and deport
And an air of charm did export
With his bright orange locks
And deep purple smock
He was welcomed from hovel to court
The ladies would swoon at his smile
As he swept them away with his style
And the moment he bit
They’d gladly submit
To the use of their blood for a while
No one could sense his deep need
To occasionally make a friend bleed
They all thought him great
Completely first rate
A man of high breeding indeed
Yet the vampire was so discontent
To suck blood wherever he went
He wanted a wife
A good normal life
No more sneaking around in torment
So he resolved to restore
The humanity he so longed for
By finding a spouse
Whose true love would oust
His desire for blood ever more
He found a beautiful girl
And they fell in love in a whirl
And all vampire lust
Became nothing but dust
As affection for her did unfurl
Then slowly he saw what was true
He had married a haggard old shrew
Who nagged day and night
And was truly a blight
Upon everything he’d tried to do
So as she snored while she slept
He plunged his teeth in her neck
And sucked till he’d drained
All of her veins
Till nothing was left but a speck
When the food on somebody’s plate
Looks better than what you just ate
Just remember his meat
May be an ill treat
And may in the end agitate
