Unton Croke was
a funny bloke
With long thin
fingers and a big hook nose.
His eyes were
small like button holes
His ears as
furry as water voles.
His bandy legs
were skinny pegs
With knees
shaped just like hard boiled eggs.
His arms and
hands were shaped like oars
That dragged and
scraped along the floor.
His hair hung
down like dead brown grass,
His skin the
shade of tarnished brass.
And yet when all
was taken in,
If one could see
beyond the skin,
Despite all
this, hid underneath,
Unton Crook had
perfect teeth.
His gnashers
were so pearly white,
They glowed like
rows of candlelight.
His molars were
indeed supreme,
Made to nosh the
best cuisine.
His canines were
above divine,
Like little
angels in a line.
While one could
never once dismiss
His wisdoms of
sheer dental bliss.
And with
incisors so first-rate
He was his
dentist’s bestest mate.
Yet here’s the
tale, so sad but true,
Unton Crook was
always blue.
Despite his
teeth of such great style,
Unton Crook
could never smile.
For not a soul
about the place
Could ever see
past Unton’s face.
Every child
would mock his eyes,
His nose, his
hair, his skinny thighs,
His massive
hands and knobbly knees,
His stick-like
arms and hairy ears.
Poor Unton hid
away in shame
His smile a wish
in all but name.
His only joy was
his day out
When the dentist
scoured his mouth
And filled the
air with shouts of glee
Cause Unton’s
teeth were trouble free.
Yet as the time
passed on by
They saw the
sadness in his eyes,
And dentists
being gentle men
Thought that
they should help him mend.
So next time he
was dentist bound
The gang of
dentists gathered round
And sat young
Unton in the chair
In which they
gave him dental care.
‘Now, young
lad,’ said Dr Brown
‘We’ve noticed
how you’re feeling down
And even though
your teeth are grand
The rest of you
is rather bland.’
Unton’s eyes
brimmed with tears
To hear this
from his friends of years.
‘You’re very
cruel!’ sobbed Unton Croke,
‘To make me out
to be a joke.’
‘Fret not, boy!’
said Dr Bull,
‘We’re going to
make you beautiful.
From feet to
knees and hands to snout
We’ll make you
look a real knockout.
Now you just
have a little snooze
And when you
wake you’ll be Tom Cruise!’
As Unton slept
off they set
To make him look
the very best.
They cut his
nails and combed his hair,
Changed his
clothes and underwear,
Buffed his shoes
and trimmed his ears
And made his
eyes look bright and clear.
‘Awake, dear
boy,’ said Dr Brown
‘It’s time to go
about the town.’
‘About the
town?’ Unton squawked,
‘I dare not go
out for a walk!
When people see
me they just smirk
And tell me I’m
a gangly berk!’
‘Hush now, lad!’
said Dr Bull
‘You’ll find
that life is wonderful,
As every tiny
step you take
You’ll realise
that you’re just great!’
With trepidation
rising high
Unton stood up
with a sigh.
‘Very well, in
you I’ll trust;
I’ll take a walk
if walk I must!’
So from dark
dentist into day
The three
companions made their way.
Along the street
they proudly strode
Like three
banditos in a row.
Unton hung his
head afraid
Of anything the
world might say,
When suddenly he
heard a peep
From someone
else across the street.
‘Hey, Unton
Croke, you look so cool,
Come join our
club when we’re in school!’
He raised his
face and stared in awe
To see a girl
that he adored.
‘Oh, my
goodness!’ Unton beamed,
‘That was Liz
from Class 3B!’
The further on
the threesome went
The more he
heard the compliments.
‘Unton’s cool!’
and ‘Unton’s great!’
And ‘Unton, will
you be my mate?’
Soon enough they
reached his home
And went on in
to see his folks.
When Mother saw
him she just screamed
‘Unton, how’d
you get so clean?
For so long now,
with all my power,
I’ve tried to
get you in the shower!
To trim your
ears and change your clothes,
To teach you how
to use a comb!
Now look at you,
you handsome lad!
Just wait til I
can tell your Dad!’
Unton frowned.
‘It wasn’t me,
I’ve had facial
surgery!
My two chums
gave me some gas
And made look
less like an ass!’
Dr Bull and Dr
Brown
Said to Unton,
‘Lad, sit down.
We did nothing
more to you
Than all the
things that you can do.
We trimmed your
ears and combed your hair
Changed your
clothes and underwear.
We put some eye
drops in your eyes
To give them
both a bit of life.
But little more
than that we did
To make you look
a million quid!
We didn’t set
out to deceive,
Just to give you
some belief!
You see what you
just did not know
Was that you’d
let your image go.
Your teeth are
perfect, make no fuss,
But not because
of both of us.
We just cleaned
them when required
To make you keep
that perfect smile.
But just like
teeth, the rest of you
Also needs some
loving too.
So now and then,
just make some time
To have a bath
and clean the grime.’
Unton smiled the
biggest smile
That he had
smiled in a long while.
And every day
from that day on
He preened
himself until he shone,
And those he
thought he’d never know
Went out their way to say ‘hello’.
